Shocking newsssssss

I have been very busy in the last few weeks…until got no time to pee even

Manatau i received a sms from mum this evening…DSAI arrested!!! for sodomy!!!! Poor Kak Wan, her troubles are never ending. 

So i hightail it to malaysia-today for some news but cannot masuk. I’m certain something has been done to restrict access to it. So I surfed around a bit, sure enough RPK is also in trouble. Yau mou kau chor arrrr…what did HE ever do?

Oh ya, by the way…apparently we’re not supposed to blog about or even talk about the following issues anymore:

1. Altatunya Sharibuu + death by C4

2. Najib + wife

3. Badawi + no confidence vote

4. Bala + his 2 stat decs

5. Anwar’s sodomy charges

6. That poor girl who was raped in a police station, whilst in police custody

7. Any other bad thing about Malaysian judiciary/police/government

Wah, like dat ah…*scratching head* Well, since I am one loyal and obedient citizen of zimbabwe Malaysia I will listen to whatever THEY say and I wont say anything bad lor…

But you know what, I’ve still got a brain. And I draw my conclusions not just on the facts (as they are reported) but also on the excessive and disproportionate reactions people have to mere allegations and rumours. Adakah set up road block all the way to Seremban just to combat the possibility of a gathering in Parliament????????? So much free time, so much police power, better go find Sharlini lah…still missing tau tak?!?!?!?!?!!??!

Really, seriously considering now whether I want my daughter to grow up in that place or not…

YESSSSSSS!!!

After about 3 hours of grappling with phone lines and instruction manuals and clicking mysterious buttons…I have managed to set up the broadband internet in my new house! All by myself, woohoo!

Watch out world…AM is back!!!! NYAHAHAHA

Updates 1.7.08

Have you missed me?

I have been sooooo busy like you wont believe it. Some updates here, I’m going tos ee if I can dash this off in 2 minutes cause I gotta run…

New house: So, we took the keys to our new house on 16th June. The same day that I had a negotiation for Land Law, which was DISASTROUS, thanks for asking. Then move move move in between classes, work, housework, mothering etc. Then the big move day (approved by MIL) was on 22nd so more chaos. Then I get my agents hassling me to clear the (old) house of all personal belongings and furnish it to standard for letting out, cause tenants are chasing him. So running around buying stuff stuff and more stuff, finally handed over the keys yesterday…phew! what a relief. So now all I need to do is start sorting out the piles and piles of junk propped up against the living room walls in my new house. In time for the new furniture to be delivered by this Friday Still waiting for internet to come on

Abby: Has been diagnosed with acute asthma. Spent last thursday night wheezing and struggling for breath, spent most of friday in hospital. Refused all examination and treatment, finally had to be pinned down by 4 nurses to get her nebs and pred. Now much better, last night didnt wheeze. 18 months tomorrow. Due for her checkups and shots on friday, updates on development then

Studies: Ketinggalan like mad. I dont even want to talk about it

Work: Chasing my referee reports, some people are so unhelpful and SLOOOOOOOW. anyway, rant later lah. As an aside, i have been offered a vacation clerkship at one of the largest and most prestigious law firms in Australia, WAY HEY! 3 weeks of commuting to Brisbane CBD, now that’s something I will need to think abt before celebrating…sigh…I suspect they are quite keen to employ me full time after graduation. so how? work as lawyer or work as doctor? I also dunno. But it’s nice to be so popular

Other: yeah, so yesterday was the end of tax year. We have quite a lot of receipts to grapple with so I will need to get my act together sometime. SIGGHHHHHHHHHHH

Okaylah, that’s all for today. just wanted to let you know I’m still alive and well.

Bye all

 

Bad day +++++++++++

1. I was carrying some whiteboard markers in my beloved LV that I won 3 semesters ago and somehow the cap of one (red one) came off… now I have red streaks and marks all over the iinside of my bag, I;ve been to the drycleaners and they cant help me…WAAAAH!!!!

2. Abby is sick again, and this time the whole family also kana. dont know whether it is strep pneumoniae from DH’s ward, or general-kid’s-coughs-and-colds from Abby’s school, or winter influenza? everyone has been laid up in bed, coughing up a storm, lightheaded, dizzy, chills and rigours. Last night abby coughed so much that she projectile vomited all over our bed, and we had to change sheets in the middle of the night. and chage her of course. I feel tired and grumpy now, oh boy. really no mood

3. Mum’s election petition has been thrown out by a f*&^%$ Kedah judge who arbitrarily changed the deadline of submission from 30th April to 28th, without informing anyone. Mum filed on 29th, so thrown out on that technicality. Unbelievable! Summore no appeals allowed WTF…her case was airtight, and I guess they knew it. Feel so sorry for her, she works so hard and does such a good job. Maybe now she will be willing to give up the struggle and come over to Australia to retire and have a good life. Leave the Sabahans to the mercies of the BN, what the hell. People can be selfish once in a while cant they? It’s allowed.

4. The house settlement is on monday, and it’s driving me LOCO! all the last minute running around, issue cheque, call this call that. Bikin panas only. I was driving to the bank earlier today, slow like a tortoise, lightheaded like anything and desperately wishing I could lie down. pop paracetamol like candy today. so dangerous

In summary, AM is in a dangerously pissy mood. Where’s the silver lining????!!!!!!!

Filling my ‘void’

Apparently, I have a void.

I was given a complimentary psychyoanalysis session the other day, and the results are not as shocking as I would have liked to pretend. namely, (1) there is a void in my life which, (2) I attempt to fill with my family and (3) as a result I have enmeshed myself to the extent of being emotionally dependent and (4) having unrealistic expectations about how much (or how little) I should be loved/cherished/respected by various family members, and (5) Abby will suffer for this eventually when she grows up.

*blink blink*

Okaaaay…i guess this is just a posh way of saying I should go get mysyelf a social life so I dont suffocate my family with my love and affection?

Yah, I can deal with tha…kuaa…

So, I went for a girlie day out today with some friends. It was lovely, and it felt good after almost 2 years of my life revolving around DH and Abby, to be by myself doing frivolous stuff (read: by that I mean going to yumcha instead of doing my homework, yikes!)

Have a date with R to attend the women’s fellowship at church next week, sans Abby. It pains me to leave her, but I guess I have to consider her long-term emotional health… dont want to become a clingy emotionally dependent mum and damage her for life you see…

Of Chinese-ness…

A serious post today

I have been thinking a lot recently. We Ang-Moh educated, Chinese-brought-up Asian kids have it tough dont we?

There is this constant struggle between our desire for independence, autonomy, the ability to chart our own course and be free to thrive in the great wide Western world etc…and our obligations as Chinese children, to obey and honour our elders, deferring to their wishes, putting them first, taking care of them in their old age etc etc

I like livng in Australia, love my lifestyle, love the education and healthcare system here…but always at the back of my mind I think about my ageing parents…who will keep them company when all their kids are so far away? Who will bring them to yumcha on weekends? Who will bring them to the dr when they are sick? Who will look after them, bring them water, boil porridge for them when they are laid up in bed? Who will drive them around when they are unable to drive? Who will one day wipe their bums when their arms are wasted away from old age and from infirmity?

I think about this a lot when I look after Abby’s needs, when i cook for her, feed her, wipe her bum, dress her…I think about how much love I was shown by my parents when I was her age, unable to care for myself. One day, they too will be unable to care for themselves. Do I REALLY want to relegate the care of my parents to Indonesian maids?

These are the people who cared for me and nurtured me when i was growing up…who gave me everything they had to give…who sacrificed themselves and their wants and desires, sometimes their needs even, to help me fulfill my ambitions

They made me who I am today.

Can I really pat-pat my bum and say “Thanks mum and dad, see ya! Tell the maid to bring you water if you cant walk to the kitchen, and call an ambulance if you need to see a dr”

I know what I want, what my husband wants, what is best for my child(ren). But can I REALLY leave my parents like that, leave them behind, leave them to the mercies of paid employees who have neither love nor duty towards them?

In a sense, people who have siblings who are willing and able to take up this responsibility are lucky cause they never have to resolve this question. But for those people with no siblings, or when neither you nor any of your siblings are able to take care of your parents, where does the buck stop? The oldest? The son? The one with the most understanding spouse? Where does the buck stop? 

Somebody told me last night that these weighty issues can threaten to drown a person even before they learn to swim (in the sea of life, so to speak)

Is it wrong to defer your responsibilities as a Chinese child until you are financially stable, career established? Is that wrong? No, i cant see anything wrong with that. But i remember a poem I learned in Primary School “Zi Yu Yang Er Qin Bu Zai” - It was a poem of deepest regret, literally, the son wants to serve and take care of the parents, but they are no longer around to be served and taken care of.

Defer is not wrong, but for how long? Wait to have enough money first…but how much is enough money? I know (because I’m in this situation myself) that there will always be competing priorities - food? petrol? Extracting wisdom teeth? Baby’s winter gear?  A bigger house with a yard for the kids to run in? School fees? Life insurance? - and the dilemma is worse once you have a child.

Do you give the best to your child and leave the scraps for your parents? Do you give your best to your parents and leave the scraps for your child? Do you give half half and satisfy none? What is the right thing to do?

I have also been  thinking about this…what do you do when your Western-trained brain (and your Western values-dominated religion) tells you one way is right, but your Chinese-trained values tell you otherwise?

Do you follow your brain, be logical and wise, even sometimes to the point of being heartless, and do what you have been educated to believe is right…even though it causes your parents severe heartache? Or do you bend your will to the people you love, and sacrifice your desires to fulfill theirs, because that’s the only way they will ever understand that you love and honour them?

What IS the Chinese way?

I did a paper in Negotiationn which touched a bit on this… traditionally we place ultimate importance on the Confucian values of li, yi, lian, chi (respect, loyalty, modesty, filial piety) and most of all xiao (obedience and honour to one’s elders)…asserting one’s wishes and desires in defiance of the wishes and desires of one’s parents is wrong and immoral.

Obviously that is the strict traditional view…nowadays no one really follows that anymore…everyone expects a bit of give. The problem and eternal struggle we face is, how much give is acceptable, and when would you cross the line into bu xiao?

I am struggling a bit today. I miss my parents. And mum has not been well recently.

You know, it kills me sometimes to know that I am a doctor, the first in my family, lovingly brought up and cultivated with every skill and ability possible, lovingly sent abroad to learn what I needed to learn, lovingly given the freedom to live where I want to live…and my own mum has to depend on other people’s goodwill and kindness and professional expertise when she is unwell.

What is my responsibility? What are my duties? Wife, mother, sister, daughter…which has to come first?

 

Protected: Hurt and angry…

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2 more weekends…

…till we settle on our house!

The loan has been approved, and we just need to get the documents signed and witnessed, and sent back to the bank. Then wait for settlement…get keys…and MOVE IN! YEAH!

Honestly I just can’t wait!

Dont really wanna think about the mortgage repayments just yet…AM is content to be an ostrich for the moment, bury her head in the sand and pretend there is no such thing as ‘DEBT’…lalalalala…

But you know what, i think our lifestyle will dip pretty severely once the repayments start kicking in *glum* no more nappies for me then. no more random shopping. no more buying cookbooks that i never use. no more turning on aircond when it’s not that hot. no more ‘yao che horr’ - waste petrol! no more flying around on holiday all the time. *sob sob*

At least not until i graduate and start working lah. things should improve dramatically after that, financially i mean. I just hope it wont be like in UK time…money - a lot, time - sikit, quality of life - fail 

kik hei

Got a tummy full of air now… (translate to Mandarin if this doesnt make sense)

My Land Law tutor plays favourites…pretty blatantly! 

See, there’s this boy in my class, a very quiet and unassuming guy, but he must be some kind of hot shot, who knows…At any rate SHE obviously thinks the sun shines out of his ar*e…cause on and on and on it’s like “what do YOU think Julian?” “What answer did YOU put Julian?” “Tell the class how YOU structured the answer Julian”

When you ask her a question she will like beat around the bush and not give you a direct answer, then look at her darling and blink at him charmingly…”what do YOU think Julian? hmm?”

And then whatever he says she will be like “yes! excellent point!” even though it’s repeating what she just said. Menyampah!

Actually to be honest I feel quite sorry for the feller, it must be so embarassing for him…and also how much PRESSURE is there when the whole class is glaring at you after the 10th consecutive “Tell us what YOU think Julian!”.

But I think she ought to give the rest of us a chance to show our stuff too…we all also prepared pretty good answers, in fact some of us might have even better answers than Julian’s, believe it or not…

I actually think studying Equity from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has ruined me for life. See, that was one good-quality teacher who really knew his stuff, back to front, top to bottom. Ask him anything, he can give you a convincing answer backed up with High Court of Australia authority, and you always leave with your doubts cleared up and with the impression that you have LEARNED something

I dunno, my Land lecturer and tutor just give me the impression that they are faffing around and bullshitting…

Like the other day the lecturer was blatantly teaching the wrong thing…She said that there was an equitable remedy called part performance, and where there is a written but unregistered lease we can seek that remedy.

Helloooo?!?!?! there is no such REMEDY called part performance okay. There is a remedy of SPECIFIC PERFORMANCE niahh…there is a DOCTRINE of part performance which can be used to enforce partially performed oral leases. 

Of coz i didnt challenge her  lah. But obviously i wasnt the only one confused cause she got a barrage of questions after that which she just bullshitted muddled her way through, making everyone more confused than ever.

It’s a most unsatisfactory feeling to leave the lecture hall not sure whether you have just been given the right information or not.

I miss He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named! Wish he taught ALL my classes

She’s 17 months!

Oh my. time has really and truly flown past…only 1 month to go before she gets her 18-month shots!!! It seemed so far away the last time she was at the dr (12 months)…half a year man…but blink and it will be upon us. Just imagine.

Tell you some little quirks (good and bad) she has developed in the last 3-4 months or so:

Her chut-chut is tied to her little muslin lampin-blankie, which she drags around with her wherever she goes, like little baby Michael in Peter Pan. At night when she wakes up to wail for her chut-chut, if ignored, she will stop wailing after awhile and - with her eyes closed - she can feel her way along the length of the lampin until she finds it and pops it back into her own mouth. She will then turn on her side and pat herself on her chest until she falls asleep, all the while murmuring “Or-or-or-or” to herself.

She doesnt like to sleep in her own cot, so sometimes when she wakes up at night, she will struggle to get up, holding lampin in one hand an dher favourite pillow in the other, wobbling away, calling calling us until we come and help her ‘move house’ into our bed

She has become very possessive and jealous, her lampin, her chut-chut, her favourite pillow, Barney and me (her mummy) are all off limits to anyone else. If she catches you lying down on her pillow, she will yell and push your head until not a single hair is touching even a little corner of it. When she catches me holding DH’s hand, or DH giving cuddles or - God forbid - her parents kissing (!) she’ll throw a right tantrum, moaning and shouting and pushing her dad until he is well clear of me. Dont know when this started, I suspect those 2 weeks alone in Malaysia gave her some sense that I am ‘her exclusive property’ amd no one, not even her dad, can touch. Ya, i know…very worrying behaviour. My mum was like, see i TOLD you to have a baby before she was old enough to learn this territorial stuff…apamacam now? I dunno also lah mum, hope she grows out of it kuaa.

Saying that, she is a real daddy’s manja girl. She loves to clamber over his sleeping form and stick her face into his to have a long and serious chit-chat at night. In the mornings its like a routine for her to give him a good wet kiss on his face before she does anything else. Like last night, she fell asleep before he came home from work. In the middle of the night she wanted to move house so I put her between DH and me, the minute she caught sight of him she started cooing and laughing and sayang his face (we werent too pleased abt this cause she didnt sleep for about 2 hours after that, she kept trying to get her dad to wake up and play). When she sees him walk through the door after work she will beam in shocked surprise, lift up one hand, vigorously wave and shout “HIEEEEEEE!!!” with pure delight on her face

She can say “noo noo noo” when she doesnt wanna do something. Always the same, “Abby do you want to go to school?” *adamantly shaking head* “Noo noo noo…” “Do you want to go kai kai?” *beams and laughs* “UH!!!” “We go to school first okay?” *adamantly shaking head “Noo noo noo…” 

“Is Abby a pretty princess?” *Beams and laughs” “UH!!” “Is mummy a pretty princess?” *slight pause, then starts shaking head* “Noo noo nooooooo…” HUH…! *indignant* Never ask a child a question like this, by the way. You’ll never come out feeling good.

She plays curtain peek a boo a lot. the other day I picked her up at childcare early, so I spent some time peeping at her from outside the door watching her play. She suddenly came towards the door, wanting to play curtain peek a boo, so she flung the curtain aside, and suddenly saw me crouched there laughing at her. She gasped dramatically with both hands pressed into her mouth, looking shocked and delighted, and just stood there like that for about 3 seconds, and then burst out laughing, enthusiastically trying to climb the glass door. dunno where she learned this drama queen stuff.

When she sees her night bottle she always looks for her favourite pillow to lie down on. the other day somebody took the cover for a wash, so it looked different. When she caught sight of her dad coming downstairs with the bottle, she started running around the living room frantically pulling at all the cushions, looking for her pillow. Not finding it, she sat down on her haunches to wail loudly. Poor thing. We;ve never washed the cover of that pillow since that time.